Sweet Revenge

by Robin Gray

God has a habit throughout scripture of requiring behavior of us that is often beyond the scope of our human ability.  One of those things is forgiveness when we have been wronged, sometimes in a devastating and life altering way. 

I can admit that I have struggled with forgiveness and from time to time I find myself struggling with it again. It is not my nature to readily forgive someone that I feel has harmed me.  I would much rather blast somebody verbally who hurt me, or pay them back in one way or another. I’ve definitely been known to do that on occasion, but rarely without reaping some personal consequence for my behavior.  

Resisting the urge to fight back…

Taking revenge on someone never leaves you unscathed.  If you choose to engage in a mud slinging contest, you’re going to get dirty.  I’ve been there and done that more times than I would like to count.

Jesus teaches us to love our enemies, pray for those who persecute us, and forgive those who wrong us.  He knows that some of us will struggle much harder with these commands than others, and yet, he tells us we must do it.  Some of us need a lot more grace than others, and fortunately, he has a limitless supply.

It’s all about trust…

I’ve asked myself why it is so hard for me to forgive, and I’ve discovered some interesting facts about myself.  For starters, I don’t like it when God tells me I should forgive a person who has done harm to me or my family. I would rather fight back. I want them to pay for what they have done, and I want them to pay my way. 

When I ask myself why I can’t just leave things in God’s hands, we get to the root of my problem, which is trust. The truth is, I don’t trust God to repay evil. I don’t trust him to avenge me the way I want to be avenged.  I just don’t trust him…

The powerful, destructive energy of vengeance…

The sad thing is, God doesn’t just want me to trust him and believe him when he says, “Vengeance is mine.  I will repay,” but he is trying to protect me.  

You see, God is the only being in existence that can absorb the blowback of revenge.  Revenge is a cancer that destroys families and ends friendships. It causes strife, injury and death.  Wars are fought over it, and kingdoms have succumbed to it.

As humans, we are bound by the spiritual law of sowing and reaping, and if we repay evil with evil, we can only reap evil.  Only God can repay evil with perfect vengeance and absorb the cosmic energy of revenge. He loves us too much to leave us to such a fate.

Forgiveness is not an emotion…

It’s taken many years and a lot of angry tears, sleepless nights and prayer to learn that forgiveness is a choice, not an emotion. For a long time I believed that forgiveness was a feeling, but it’s not.  It never was. I can make a conscious choice to forgive a person who has treated me horribly even when I’m still feeling incredibly angry and hurt. One practical way that I do this is by praying, “God, I choose to forgive this person, no matter how angry I feel right now.  I choose to forgive, and I’m placing this person and this event into your hands. Do with it as you will.” Even then, the pain does not go away overnight. It takes time and choosing every day, sometimes several times a day, to forgive and place it in God’s hands. 

In time, you find that the burning in the pit of your stomach goes away.  The trembling hands and headaches go away. The angry tears dry and your heart is healed.  Even when something happens in the course of your daily life to trigger a painful memory, you find it doesn’t have to ruin your whole day.  I choose to take those moments and use them as opportunities for gratitude that I’m not where I was when I was so deeply hurt. There is a famous quote by Lewis B. Smedes that says, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free, and discover the prisoner was you.”

It was never about them, anyway…

I will always wrestle with God a little bit over forgiveness when I feel that the person who wronged me doesn’t deserve it. But the truth is, it’s not about them.  It never was. It’s about a perfect Father who loves me, and just wants me to trust him. So I ask him to give me the grace to forgive, and I choose forgiveness no matter how angry and hurt I may be.  If he says he will pay them back, he will. I just have to trust him.

“Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.

Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say,

‘I will take revenge;  I will pay them back,’ says the Lord.

Instead, ‘If your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads.’

Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.”

                   Romans 12:17-21 (NLT)