Deep Roots and Daddy’s Faith

by Robin Gray

My Dad had a heart attack last week.  He started having chest pain about eight p.m. on a Monday night, the same day that we buried my uncle. 

I’d just spent several days watching my cousin say a final goodbye to her Dad, who also played an important role in my life.  The awareness of how fragile and precious life is was still fresh in my mind and on my heart when I got the call that my father was in the emergency room of our local hospital. 

“Maybe it’s reflux,” I thought.  But I knew it wasn’t.  One look at the fear in his eyes told me that he knew it wasn’t, too.

Deep roots and a father’s love…

More than any other person, my Dad has given deep rich roots to the tree of my faith since the day I was born.  He cultivated it with teaching, pruned it with discipline, and watered it with love. 

Daddy never stood in a pulpit.  He and Mama divorced when I was eleven, and, good Baptist that he is, he accepted that he would never be a deacon or serve in any prestigious capacity in the church.  So he invested all of his passion and wisdom into teaching Sunday School and leading the church choir.  He lives a quiet life of patient unwavering devotion to God in both word and deed.  And if he is known for anything in our little town, it’s his humility, goodness, sense of humor, and genuine love for God and others.

But not many people know that my Dad’s faith and his relationship with Jesus has been forged in the fire of loss, grief and disappointment. Daddy believed in a God who would move mountains, heal the sick and raise the dead. He found instead a gentle Comforter at the bedside of a child who would never laugh or smile, ride a bike or hold his hand. Daddy wanted God to heal him, but healing did not come this side of heaven.

And then there was the entire chaotic rollercoaster of having to deal with me. I have probably given my Dad some of his greatest challenges.  My life lessons were generally learned through making mistakes, and some of them were doozies.  But I learned first-hand about the love of God my Father because I had a Daddy who always loved me with that redemptive, unwavering, unchanging love.

Science, fact, and Daddy’s faith…

I work in the medical field and I’m a firm believer in science and fact.  I like to know what we are dealing with so we can have a goal and a plan of action.  But I’m also a person of faith and a firm believer in a merciful, loving, and ever-present God.  I haven’t seen any mountains move in these past two weeks, but I’ve certainly seen a series of events align perfectly that have saved my Daddy’s life.

It’s more than chance.  It’s even more than good medical practice. 

It’s faith.

It’s three a.m. faith.  It’s the kind of faith that stills you, heals you, and holds you when you don’t know what tomorrow may bring. 

It’s my father’s faith, buried down deep in the soil of who I am… 

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”  (Isaiah 41:10)

Signs

by Robin Gray

Tonight marks the Winter Solstice, the longest night of the year.  It also marks the first night of a convergence in the heavens that has not happened in some 800 years when Saturn and Jupiter pass in their orbit of the sun in such an alignment that they appear to shine as one bright new star. 

A dark year…

2020 has been a particularly dark year for a lot of people.  We’ve had a historic global pandemic that has caused economic ruin for many.  Small businesses have closed their doors for the last time across the country.  Food bank lines are stretching out for miles in cities and rural communities all over the nation.  Political and social unrest is higher than it has been in decades.  And as of this writing, over 319,000 Americans have died from Covid-19 in the past ten months.

I have experienced a particularly dark few weeks myself as seasonal depression has converged with anxiety over other family issues.  I haven’t been able to write for weeks.  My mind has been too full and my heart too heavy. 

A sign in the heavens…

But my friend Lisa just posted on her Facebook page, “Christmas star is out!” and other friends are posting photos of the horizon and selfies looking through binoculars and telescopes.  There is excitement on my Facebook feed that cannot be simply explained away by just the scientific convergence of two planets millions of miles away.

King David spoke of God using the stellar atmosphere to declare his sovereignty when he wrote, “The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands,” (Psalm 19:1). Perhaps, on this darkest of days in this darkest of seasons in this very dark year, the heavens are sending us a sign…

Direction from the stars…

Astronomers have long looked to the night skies to map out our direction.  Ancient explorers have discovered distant lands with little more than a working knowledge of the constellation.  And some two thousand years or so ago, a group of Arabic astrologers began following a new star that appeared in the east, believing it foretold the birth of a new king. 

The heavens were sending them a sign.

The Magi and the Light of the World…

They found instead a lowly carpenter, a young mother and their infant son.  “When they saw the star, they were overjoyed.  On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh.” (Matthew 2:10-11)

Ah yes…  The Christmas Star, and the gifts of the Magi… The heavens presenting a sign for those who look to the stars and dare to hope when the night is dark.

We call those star gazers “wise men.” They understood from the sign in the heavens that a very normal looking baby in a nondescript house in Bethlehem was actually to become the King of the Jews. The scripture tells us that they also bowed down and worshipped him. Did they also know that little baby would become the light of the world?

A sign of hope, a Christmas star…

And here we are, centuries later, on the longest night in the darkest season of this long, dark year, and a sign has appeared in the heavens.  Perhaps to announce that hope still shines and love still lives.  Maybe to tell us to remember to look up, even in the darkness.

The scientists and astrologers who watch the skies and map the stars tell us that Saturn and Jupiter will shine their brilliant convergent light for just four nights, ending on December 25, 2020.

Coincidence?  I don’t think so.  I believe it is most definitely a sign.

“In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind.  The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” (John 1:4-5)

Granny Pat: The Living Love Chapter

by Robin Gray

For about three weeks I’ve been mulling over the words of 1 Corinthians 13 in my mind. Not just a few verses, but the entire chapter. I have hesitated to write about it because I’m honestly such light years away from being able to live up to such a standard.

I’m not patient or kind or long-suffering. I’m not any of those things even when there isn’t a worldwide pandemic. But being a nurse in these unprecedented times has caused my occasional disgust with humanity to become far more perpetual, which is not a very “Jesus” way of being and doing in this world. So I’m feeling very unworthy of quoting those powerful words.

A Ray of Sunshine…

I think sometimes God puts people in front of us who are by nature just capable of doing what we can’t to give us such an example, and at least I can say that he put one such person in my life several years ago. Her name is Patricia Wigglesworth, and she is my ex-husband’s mother and my children’s grandmother.

She came into my life like a bright ray of sunshine on a cloudy day, and doubtless, I came into hers like a category 5 hurricane. She loved me when I didn’t know how to love anyone, including myself.

A Wordless Sermon on Love…

She didn’t quote scripture to me. She just lived her life and demonstrated in everything she did that:
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

I once heard a pastor say that if you can plug your name into those verses everywhere that the word “love” is mentioned, you would truly be living a Christ-like life, because Jesus is all of those things. I could never plug my name into those spaces, but I’m sure I could say “Granny Pat” there, and it would all be absolutely true.

And really, that’s what love does. It has a gentle way of just moving in and around you. It speaks of God without a need for words, but always showing you who he is.

Rising to the Stature of Grown Up Love…

The end of the chapter speaks of maturity. Many people use it out of context as if Paul had changed the subject. But he didn’t, and he hasn’t. The entire chapter is all about love, including the part that says, “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.” (1 Corinthians 13:11)

I confess that sometimes I’m still selfish and very much a child where love is concerned. But this passage tells us specifically that love is mature in thinking, reasoning and action. Love compells us to rise above our base instincts and reflex reactions. Somehow, Granny Pat showed me love when it would have been so much easier for her not to. I’m a Granny now, but I still want to grow up to be more like her.

Finally, Face to Face with Love…

This past Sunday morning, Granny Pat left this side of heaven to meet Jesus face to face. “For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.” (1 Corinthians 13:12)

I do not know what Jesus looks like, but Granny Pat does today… And if I had to guess, he probably looks a whole lot like her…

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” (1 Corinthians 13:13)

Angry Eyebrows and an Encounter of the God kind

by Robin Gray

A couple of weeks ago I decided I’d had about enough of Facebook and deactivated my account. You only need glance at the news once a day to recognize that these are troubling times that we are living in, and they certainly don’t appear to be bringing out the best in us.

When I started this blog, I felt very clearly that God wanted me to stick to the basics of scripture as it is applicable in daily life while avoiding politics. I’ve tried very hard to do that, and had left any social commentary I had to my personal Facebook page. I’m still going to try very hard to do that.

The power of words…

But words are powerful, and they matter. It is by the spoken word that God created both the heavens and the earth. And yet, we treat the power of our words so casually when we get behind the perceived safety of a computer screen. And I can admit that I am as guilty as anyone else of using my words in a destructive manner. That is probably the greatest spiritual battle for me, and I also admit that I fail daily to live up to the standard Christ has set for me.

Picking a side…

These are the times of choosing sides and the “us vs. them” mentality. And honestly, I don’t like to be forced to pick a side when life is complex and nuanced. It reminds me of the story in the Bible when Joshua encountered the Captain of the Hosts and asked him, “Are you for us or our enemies?” His response was telling: “Neither… But as commander of the army of the Lord I have now come,” (Joshua 5:13-14). Instead of asking God whose side he is on, perhaps we should be more like Moses and ask ourselves, “Who is on the Lord’s side?” (Exodus 32:26).

The other pandemic…

We have a real problem right now in this society, and it’s a different kind of pandemic. We have a genuine shortage of empathy, and it seems to be spreading like wildfire even among those of us who consider ourselves to be Christians. It’s really a sad phenomenon when you think about how many times in the gospels that Jesus was “moved with compassion” for those he encountered. He was provoked to action in healing the sick and feeding the multitude by an emotion shared by God and man. Compassion is one of the attributes we possess that truly reflect the image and likeness of God. And now when our nation and our world needs it most, it seems to be in very, very short supply.

So a couple of weeks ago, I threw up a white flag, deactivated my Facebook account, and tried to cocoon myself with just my close family and limited contact with coworkers.

Encounters of the God kind…

That is where Mr. Richie found me on Friday morning in the Walmart.

I was wearing my mask and practicing social distancing. I was also trying not to make eye contact with anyone because I just didn’t want to engage in even pleasantries or light conversation with people. I was quite disappointed in people, and wanted nothing to do with them on Friday morning. My eyebrows are naturally furrowed and I do not have an approachable face. The mask makes me look all the more unapproachable. I thought I was well prepared for a quick trip in and out.

But Mr. Richie stepped up right close to my impenetrable bubble and said, “Hello Miss. How are you?”

I furrowed my brow all the more, stepped back, and begrudgingly said, “Fine,” (in a tone that was definitely not fine). Then the obligatory southern raising kicked in and automatically I asked, “And how are you?”

He turned to look me right in the eyes and said, “I guess I’m okay. My mother died this week,” and almost at once my heart dropped and my walls crumbled and my brow unfurrowed itself. “I’m so sorry!” I said. “It must be so very hard to lose your mother.”

“It is,” he said. “I came up from Cross City to meet her here in Perry for the funeral.”

And then this grieving stranger in the Walmart stepped beyond his own circumstances to let me know that he saw me beyond the mask and the angry eyebrows. “What’s your name?” he asked.

“My name’s Robin,” I said. “And yours?”

“It’s Richie,” he replied. “It’s nice to meet you.”

I stepped forward. I wanted to hug him or at least shake his hand. But then I remembered the reason for the mask. “It was really nice meeting you too, Mr. Richie. I’ll be praying for you and your family.”

Mr. Richie gave me a maskless smile and said, “I’ll be praying for you too, Miss Robin.”

The power of compassionate words…

I walked away from that encounter a little lighter, and very thankful for Mr. Richie and his mother, who clearly raised him right and must be smiling down from heaven. Somehow, even in his grief, this stranger in Walmart saw me beyond the mask and all of my other boundaries and used the power of his words to change my day.

That’s compassion. I need more of that. We all need more of that.

I’m on the Lord’s side…

If I’m forced to choose a side, it’s going to be the Lord’s side… and Mr. Richie’s.

“He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.
    And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
    and to walk humbly with your God.”
~ Micah 6:8

Sweet Revenge

by Robin Gray

God has a habit throughout scripture of requiring behavior of us that is often beyond the scope of our human ability.  One of those things is forgiveness when we have been wronged, sometimes in a devastating and life altering way. 

I can admit that I have struggled with forgiveness and from time to time I find myself struggling with it again. It is not my nature to readily forgive someone that I feel has harmed me.  I would much rather blast somebody verbally who hurt me, or pay them back in one way or another. I’ve definitely been known to do that on occasion, but rarely without reaping some personal consequence for my behavior.  

Resisting the urge to fight back…

Taking revenge on someone never leaves you unscathed.  If you choose to engage in a mud slinging contest, you’re going to get dirty.  I’ve been there and done that more times than I would like to count.

Jesus teaches us to love our enemies, pray for those who persecute us, and forgive those who wrong us.  He knows that some of us will struggle much harder with these commands than others, and yet, he tells us we must do it.  Some of us need a lot more grace than others, and fortunately, he has a limitless supply.

It’s all about trust…

I’ve asked myself why it is so hard for me to forgive, and I’ve discovered some interesting facts about myself.  For starters, I don’t like it when God tells me I should forgive a person who has done harm to me or my family. I would rather fight back. I want them to pay for what they have done, and I want them to pay my way. 

When I ask myself why I can’t just leave things in God’s hands, we get to the root of my problem, which is trust. The truth is, I don’t trust God to repay evil. I don’t trust him to avenge me the way I want to be avenged.  I just don’t trust him…

The powerful, destructive energy of vengeance…

The sad thing is, God doesn’t just want me to trust him and believe him when he says, “Vengeance is mine.  I will repay,” but he is trying to protect me.  

You see, God is the only being in existence that can absorb the blowback of revenge.  Revenge is a cancer that destroys families and ends friendships. It causes strife, injury and death.  Wars are fought over it, and kingdoms have succumbed to it.

As humans, we are bound by the spiritual law of sowing and reaping, and if we repay evil with evil, we can only reap evil.  Only God can repay evil with perfect vengeance and absorb the cosmic energy of revenge. He loves us too much to leave us to such a fate.

Forgiveness is not an emotion…

It’s taken many years and a lot of angry tears, sleepless nights and prayer to learn that forgiveness is a choice, not an emotion. For a long time I believed that forgiveness was a feeling, but it’s not.  It never was. I can make a conscious choice to forgive a person who has treated me horribly even when I’m still feeling incredibly angry and hurt. One practical way that I do this is by praying, “God, I choose to forgive this person, no matter how angry I feel right now.  I choose to forgive, and I’m placing this person and this event into your hands. Do with it as you will.” Even then, the pain does not go away overnight. It takes time and choosing every day, sometimes several times a day, to forgive and place it in God’s hands. 

In time, you find that the burning in the pit of your stomach goes away.  The trembling hands and headaches go away. The angry tears dry and your heart is healed.  Even when something happens in the course of your daily life to trigger a painful memory, you find it doesn’t have to ruin your whole day.  I choose to take those moments and use them as opportunities for gratitude that I’m not where I was when I was so deeply hurt. There is a famous quote by Lewis B. Smedes that says, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free, and discover the prisoner was you.”

It was never about them, anyway…

I will always wrestle with God a little bit over forgiveness when I feel that the person who wronged me doesn’t deserve it. But the truth is, it’s not about them.  It never was. It’s about a perfect Father who loves me, and just wants me to trust him. So I ask him to give me the grace to forgive, and I choose forgiveness no matter how angry and hurt I may be.  If he says he will pay them back, he will. I just have to trust him.

“Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.

Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say,

‘I will take revenge;  I will pay them back,’ says the Lord.

Instead, ‘If your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads.’

Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.”

                   Romans 12:17-21 (NLT)

Back to the Basics of Love

by Robin Gray

Several weeks ago I attended my Dad’s church for the Easter sermon. I don’t get to attend church very often because of my work schedule, but it was a wonderful service about the resurrection of Christ, and particularly what a risen Savior meant to Peter.

Some might say the sermon was basic, and I suppose it was. But I’ve been feeling a call on my heart in the last few months to return to the basics; the true fundamentals of faith; the solid foundation upon which a relationship with God is established.

So “basic” is not necessarily boring. Basic is good and vital. Basic is essential. Sometimes it’s a good thing to let Spurgeon and Lewis speak for themselves, and glean for oneself the words spoken by the Prophet Isaiah, King David, the Apostle Paul, and Jesus Christ.

The basics of fulfilling the law of Christ…

Lately God is calling me back to the basics of the Law of Christ, so I did a word search and looked it up. My search brought me to Paul’s letter to the Galatians when he said, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2). The preceding verse says, “Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.” (Galatians 6:1). Paul is telling us here that fulfilling the “law of Christ” means bearing the burdens of another with humility and compassion, including the burdens of someone we might consider as “sinful.” We are to be mindful of our own proclivity to sin and failure, and not consider ourselves above temptation. We are to see the need and not just the deed, and be guided by the Spirit in gentleness and humility.

Do I do that in my own life? Not as much as I need to. But I’m willing to return to the basics and learn.

The whole of the Bible on two basic commands…

Jesus himself spoke of fulfilling the law when he was asked by a Pharisee which was the greatest commandment. “Jesus replied, ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.'” (Matthew 22:37-40)

According to Jesus, everything written in the Bible hinges (or “hangs”) on two simple concepts: Loving God, and loving others. He expands on these concepts in Matthew 5:44 by further instructing those following him to “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” Basically, love God and love everybody else.

(That’s a tall order, Jesus. I’m not good at it, I will admit it. Some people you are just going to have to love through me, because I don’t have it in me. Yet another reason why I need you.)

“Whatever you did for the least of these…”

Jesus said that he did not come to abolish the law, but to fulfill it. And how did he do that? By healing the sick, raising the dead, feeding the hungry. He then allowed himself to be arrested, stripped, beaten, mocked, and crucified. He was raised up on a cross in front of his enemies and his neighbors, an illustration of perfect love in action.
So when he tells us, “I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me,” (Matthew 25:35-36) he is describing love in action. Then he says, “Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.” (Matthew 25:40)

The basics of love in action…

And there it is… Loving God is loving others. It is a verb. Not an adjective, an abstract thought, or me just rambling on a Sunday afternoon. Loving God is actively, with purpose and determination, loving people. Neighbor people, enemy people, all people. Loving God is loving “them,” whoever “them” may be in my life or yours.

Again, that’s a tall order. I have yet to master it. But it’s Bible, and it’s basic, and I’m willing to submit myself to the Spirit and learn to truly fulfill the law of Christ.

“This is my command: Love each other.” (John 15:17)

Taming the Hellfire Tongue

by Robin Gray

I want y’all to know that I’m not one of those religious bloggers that has it all together.  Most of the people who know me well know that I have made many, many mistakes in my life.  I was raised in church and put on the straight and narrow path as a child, but I detoured a lot along the way.  My spiritual journey looks more like a mouse maze than a ride down a straight one lane highway with no exits.  I take exits.  All of them.  And I get lost sometimes.  

I pray and read my Bible because I need God.  I need him to help me not make the same mistakes over and over again.  And I need him to help me straighten out the mess when I invariably make them, anyway.

I admit it, I’m a mess.  And if you’re a mess too, then welcome to my tribe.  This blog’s for you.

Hissing, spitting, throwing peanuts…

I have been really stressed lately.  Life is trying and complicated for millions of people across our beautiful nation and the entire world right now.  A deadly virus and economic uncertainty has put many of us on edge.  This is uncharted territory for everyone.  And I don’t respond well to stress.  I heard Joyce Meyer say once that when you are squeezed, what is inside you will come out of you.  I suppose that’s true, because when I’m squeezed in stressful situations what comes out of me is often anger laced with profanity (yes, I know.  God and I are working on it).  I look like the baboon at our local zoo when I was a little girl.  I’m a hissing, spitting monkey throwing peanuts at everybody who rattles my cage.

Last week I did some hissing and spitting at someone I dearly love.  I was stressed, and what came out of me was rage.  As soon as the angry words left my lips I could feel the Holy Spirit tap me on the shoulder, and almost see Jesus peak around the corner and say, “Really???”  I’m sure that’s what he was thinking; “Really?  You’re going back to that way of doing?  You’re going to do the one thing you always did to ruin every good relationship you ever had?  That’s where we are now?”  

And I responded, “No.  This is not where I want to be again.  Help me.”

Set a guard over my mouth…

Ever so close, the Holy Spirit whispered, “Set a guard over my mouth.”  I followed the prompt and looked up the verse.  “Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips.” (Psalm 141:3)  Yes, Lord.  I’m going to need a lot of help. 

The entire third chapter of James is dedicated to the power of the tongue.  “Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts.  Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.  The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body.  It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.” (James 3:5-6)  Yikes.  Sometimes I have a hellfire tongue.  I have experienced my life being set afire by my angry words.  The last thing I want is to go down that path again.  Help me, Lord.

And then there’s this:  “With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness.  Out of the same mouth comes praise and cursing.  My brothers and sisters, this should not be.” (James 3:9-10) Again, Lord, I’m going to need a lot of help here.

A blessed mess…

I have had to learn that when I fail to honor God and others with my untamed tongue, I need to humble myself and ask for forgiveness.  That’s not an excuse for me to be brash and hateful again when the mood strikes me.  But it is an acknowledgement that I know I am wrong, and I’m honestly sorry for my behavior.

Like I said, God and I are really working on this.  I’m sure I will fail again at some point.  Brother James says that a person who can control their tongue is perfect, and I am a long way from perfection.  I’m just trying to be a better person today than I was yesterday.  Fortunately for me (and you), I have a Savior who has accepted me just the way I am, but loves me too much to leave me there.  I am truly a blessed mess.  So we’ll keep working on it, and I’ll keep telling myself, “You might be wrong.  You might be wrong.  You might be wrong,” before I go off on an angry tirade of hissing, spitting, and throwing peanuts.

Let Love guide me, Lord.  Let Love be the guard over my mouth and my words.

“I call to you, Lord, come quickly to me; hear me when I call to you.  May my prayer be set before you like incense; may the lifting up of my hands be like the evening sacrifice.  Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips.” (Psalm 141:1-3)

Deep Calls to Deep

by Robin Gray

I took an afternoon break to kayak on the Wakulla River today.  It was truly beautiful.  I did a little thinking, a little praying, and had a little talk with myself.

When I’m in emotional or physical distress, I pray.  If I can pour out my heart and listen, God usually talks to me.  It isn’t always words that he uses; sometimes it’s just a feeling.  Often it is an overwhelming sense of peace.  But sometimes I don’t hear from God until I open my Bible.  He always speaks to me there, even when I don’t particularly like what he’s saying.

Today was one of those days when I’ve been a little melancholy and spent a little too much time feeling sorry for myself.  I’m not going to beat myself up about it too much.  I think most of us, if we are honest, are given to moments of self-pity from time to time.  It appears that God still loves melancholy people.  He chose quite a few of them.

A melancholy king…

One of my favorite melancholics in the Bible is King David.  David was such a walking embodiment of human behavior, both good and bad.  He had a lust problem and an ego problem.  He gave his kids “Daddy issues” and then there was that one incident that might be called a little bit of a “murder” problem.  

But David loved God, and God loved David.  And fortunately for us, he wrote down many of his prayers in poetry and song.  

We used to sing one of his songs in church.  It begins “As the deer panteth for the water, so my soul longeth after thee…” (Psalm 42:1 KJV). Marty Nystrom made it into a beautiful worship song. But if you read the entire chapter in context, David was in more than just a “worshipful” state of mind.  He was in distress.  He was melancholy.  

In verse 3 he begins a lament that rings of self-pity and persecution.  “My tears have been my food day and night, while people say to me all day long, ‘Where is your God?’” (Psalm 42:3)  Oh my, yes.  We don’t really want to stick that verse in a worship song, but maybe we should.  Maybe sometimes the “tears that have been my food day and night” are a form of worship… if I bring them to him.

Talking to myself like David did…

So when I’m feeling particularly melancholy, I bring my tears to God.  I talk to him and I listen for his reply.  And then, I do a little talking to myself.  David taught me that.  “Why, my soul, are you downcast?  Why so disturbed within me?  Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” (Psalm 42:5)

David learned to talk to himself and remind himself of the goodness and presence of God, even when he didn’t feel it.  He believed that instructing himself to “put your hope in God” was crucial, especially when he was feeling hopeless. He placed such an emphasis on reminding himself to do this that he repeated the verse verbatim twice in Psalm 42 and once again in Psalm 43. 

Deep calls to deep…

There are times when my prayer is both a lament and a praise.  I know what God has done for me in the past, and like David, there are times when I just have to get my own attention and remind myself.  But I also need to be able to tell him when I feel alone and discouraged, and I believe he wants that kind of honesty from me.  I have found that God does not want a surface relationship with me.  He’s not just looking for praise and adulation.  He also wants me to bring him my doubts, fears, frustrations, anger, shame, depression and sadness.  When tears are my food day and night, he wants me to set a place for him at my melancholy table.  

Life is complicated and deep sometimes, and so are we.  It’s good to know that we have a Savior who has experienced all of the ups and downs we face, and is always willing to dive into the depths with us whenever we need him.  

“Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me.  By day the Lord directs his love, at night his song is within me— a prayer to the God of my life.” (Psalm 42:7-8)

A Gentle Whisper and a Shout Out to the Seven Thousand

by Robin Gray

I have discovered in raising my kids that if you instill enough of God’s word in them growing up, there will come a time when they give it right back to you.  I had one such occasion with my daughter this week. I was actually complaining to her about how lonely and sad I was feeling, and that I felt really disconnected from people right now.  She said, “Mama, it sounds like you need to go back and read that story about Elijah again. You know, the one right before God sent him to anoint Elisha.”

Ahhh…  I knew exactly what she was talking about instantly.  My daughter was referring me and my sense of loneliness right back to Elijah and God’s seven thousand.

Running scared and feeling alone…

The story is found in I Kings 19, and begins in the immediate aftermath of one of Elijah’s greatest victories when he literally prayed fire down from heaven to demonstrate God’s glory.  In a fairy tale world, that would have been that, the Israelites would have vanquished the evil king and queen, and Elijah would have been grand marshall in a parade through the streets.  

But that’s not what happened.  Instead, Jezebel vowed to kill him and Elijah went running for his life.  Interesting to note here: if arguably the greatest prophet in the Old Testament was given to moments of fear and self-pity, then perhaps we should go a little easier on ourselves when we experience the same thing. 

Along his journey, the discouraged prophet sat down under a bush, prayed to die, and promptly fell asleep.  He was awakened by an angel telling him to get up and eat. Now whether the angel, God himself, or one of the seven thousand cooked those pancakes, we will never know and the Bible doesn’t say.  But he ate a bite, went back to sleep and got up and ate again before journeying on to the Mountain of God.  

The intimacy of a whisper…

When he arrived at the mountain, God instructed him to “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.”  (I Kings 19:11)

So Elijah waited.  And what he saw was a mighty wind, then an earthquake, and then a fire.  Isn’t that what we’re all looking for? Some great theatrical production of “biblical proportion” announcing to us the presence of God?  And surely, God does those things. But if that is all we are looking for in order to hear from him, we are probably going to miss him. I know I have.  But God didn’t show up for Elijah in the grand theatrics of nature. He came to him in a much more personal way. The KJV describes it as a “still small voice.”  The NIV simply refers to the voice of God in this instance as a “gentle whisper.”  

A whisper is such an intimate thing.  The speaker must be leaning very close to the listener in order to be heard.  Imagine the prophet of God, standing in a cleft of the mountain; afraid, discouraged and lonely.  The creator of earth and sky does not appear in signs and wonders. Instead, he wraps himself around his weary prophet and leans in so closely that his warm breath can be felt against his cheek and his voice is a soft question in his ear.  “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

Introducing the Seven Thousand…

Elijah launched into his speech, tinged perhaps with a little bit of self-righteous indignation and self-pity.  “I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, torn down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword.  I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.” (I Kings 19:14)

God doesn’t address Elijah’s fear and self-pity right away.  He gives him certain specific instructions on what he should do next, including anointing kings over Aram and Israel, and also his successor, the prophet Elisha.  And then I can just picture God himself leaning in ever so close to his weary prophet to tell him he is not alone. “Yet I reserve seven thousand in Israel — all whose knees have not bowed down to Baal and whose mouths have not kissed him.” (I Kings 19:18)

Shout out to the Seven Thousand…

I see you there, stuck in your houses, social distancing.  Keeping your heads down and going to work and pretty much nowhere else.  You’re trying your best to protect your family from an invisible enemy, but you don’t know if you’re doing too much or too little.  Maybe you’ve been laid off and you’re wondering when the unemployment check will come in. Your church services are streamed online, but the internet bill is due and there is more month left than money.   The cupboards are getting bare and you’re running out of food, patience and toilet paper. The news and social media are confusing and scary and angry, and you’re so tired of feeling confused and scared and angry.  And you haven’t had a hug in weeks. And dear God, how you miss those hugs…

Dear Seven Thousand, you who have not bowed the knee to lesser things, I see you.  And more importantly, God sees you. Are you tired? God and Elijah would tell you to lay down and rest.  Hungry? Get up and eat. You’ve got to take care of yourself and meet those basic needs. Lonely and scared?  So was Elijah. So am I. We’re in this thing together, even though we are miles apart. I’m sending you a virtual hug.  And beyond that, I’m encouraging you to hide in the cleft of God’s mountain. You’ll find it within arm’s reach.  

If you listen carefully, the creator of earth and sky will pull you close enough to hear his whisper…

Invincible Hope

by Robin Gray

Hurricanes are nothing new to lifelong Floridians.  In fact, if you’ve lived here longer than a couple of hurricane seasons you’ve learned pretty quickly how to prepare, what to prepare for, when you can safely ride it out, or when to activate your evacuation plan.  The past few hurricane seasons have been pretty brutal here in my home state.

In September of 2016, a storm named Hermine blew in on the Taylor County coast and caused considerable damage.  The county had recently built a beautiful dock over the water on Keaton Beach for residents to enjoy fishing and sunsets, but Hermine left it in tatters floating in the tide and lying on the sand.  Many people had homes and property that suffered damage. But there was a small wooden structure still standing on Keaton Beach when Hermine was done, and that was the Keaton Beach Cross.  

A different kind of storm for Lori…

The following spring my sister would be in the midst of the greatest storm of her life.  Her husband of 36 years died suddenly two days before Christmas, and she was processing grief so profound I wondered at times if she could even survive it.  She asked me that Easter if I would take her to a church sunrise service somewhere. And immediately, I thought of Blue Creek Baptist and the Keaton Beach Cross.  I don’t remember everything the pastor said that day because I was too focused on my sister and her reactions to it. I do remember singing hymns with about 300 people in all manner of dress from shorts and casual shirts to the typical Easter church attire.  I remember the pastor talked about an empty tomb and a risen Savior. And I remember seeing the lines on my sister’s face relax a bit, and the light come back on in her eyes a bit… And that’s what Hope does.

Seeking the dead, and finding Hope…

I would imagine that when Mary Magdalene was walking to the tomb that first Easter morning, her face probably looked very similar to my sister’s face.  Red rimmed eyes swollen from tears, and unable to even fake a smile. Her world was crushed and in total disarray. She wasn’t looking for an empty tomb that morning.  She was looking to bury her dead and anoint him with burial ointment, as was their custom. Mary went looking for a dead body and encountered Hope.

“He asked her, ‘Woman, why are you crying?  Who is it you are looking for?’ Thinking he was the gardener, she said, ‘Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him.’  Jesus said to her, ‘Mary…’” (John 20:15-16)

Hope rises from the ashes…

There will be very few Easter dresses tomorrow morning.  Few children hunting eggs on a beautiful spring day. Total known cases of Covid-19 in our nation are over 492,000.  The death toll is greater than 18,000. In some parts of our country hospitals are overwhelmed with the numbers of sick patients, while in others, employees are being furloughed or laid off.  Unemployment claims are now in the millions, and expected to rise. The overall picture looks bleak this Easter, but it doesn’t tell the whole story.

If seeing is believing and that is all there is, there would be no need for Hope.  Hope rises from defeat. It rises out of the storm. It rises out of depression and doom.  And Hope rises out of death. It transcends our darkest fears and our deepest longing. It is what gets us up and pushes us into an uncertain tomorrow.  It is a smiling and joyful Mary, proclaiming to a group of frightened and grieving disciples, “I have seen the Lord!”

Because he lives!

A few weeks ago I shared a video on my Facebook page of a song rising up from the balconies in Italy after their nation was in lockdown and the death toll was raging.  I couldn’t understand the language, but the melody was unmistakable. It is an old song written by Bill and Gloria Gaither. I’ve heard my Daddy sing it every Easter since I was a little girl.  The words were true then and they are true now. They are true for the Italians leaning out of their balconies and windows and they are true for Americans at their computer screens watching cyber Sunrise Services.  In every corner of the world, may Hope arise this Easter!

Because he lives, I can face tomorrow.

Because he lives, all fear is gone.

Because I know who holds the future, 

And life is worth the living just because he lives!