Deep Calls to Deep

by Robin Gray

I took an afternoon break to kayak on the Wakulla River today.  It was truly beautiful.  I did a little thinking, a little praying, and had a little talk with myself.

When I’m in emotional or physical distress, I pray.  If I can pour out my heart and listen, God usually talks to me.  It isn’t always words that he uses; sometimes it’s just a feeling.  Often it is an overwhelming sense of peace.  But sometimes I don’t hear from God until I open my Bible.  He always speaks to me there, even when I don’t particularly like what he’s saying.

Today was one of those days when I’ve been a little melancholy and spent a little too much time feeling sorry for myself.  I’m not going to beat myself up about it too much.  I think most of us, if we are honest, are given to moments of self-pity from time to time.  It appears that God still loves melancholy people.  He chose quite a few of them.

A melancholy king…

One of my favorite melancholics in the Bible is King David.  David was such a walking embodiment of human behavior, both good and bad.  He had a lust problem and an ego problem.  He gave his kids “Daddy issues” and then there was that one incident that might be called a little bit of a “murder” problem.  

But David loved God, and God loved David.  And fortunately for us, he wrote down many of his prayers in poetry and song.  

We used to sing one of his songs in church.  It begins “As the deer panteth for the water, so my soul longeth after thee…” (Psalm 42:1 KJV). Marty Nystrom made it into a beautiful worship song. But if you read the entire chapter in context, David was in more than just a “worshipful” state of mind.  He was in distress.  He was melancholy.  

In verse 3 he begins a lament that rings of self-pity and persecution.  “My tears have been my food day and night, while people say to me all day long, ‘Where is your God?’” (Psalm 42:3)  Oh my, yes.  We don’t really want to stick that verse in a worship song, but maybe we should.  Maybe sometimes the “tears that have been my food day and night” are a form of worship… if I bring them to him.

Talking to myself like David did…

So when I’m feeling particularly melancholy, I bring my tears to God.  I talk to him and I listen for his reply.  And then, I do a little talking to myself.  David taught me that.  “Why, my soul, are you downcast?  Why so disturbed within me?  Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” (Psalm 42:5)

David learned to talk to himself and remind himself of the goodness and presence of God, even when he didn’t feel it.  He believed that instructing himself to “put your hope in God” was crucial, especially when he was feeling hopeless. He placed such an emphasis on reminding himself to do this that he repeated the verse verbatim twice in Psalm 42 and once again in Psalm 43. 

Deep calls to deep…

There are times when my prayer is both a lament and a praise.  I know what God has done for me in the past, and like David, there are times when I just have to get my own attention and remind myself.  But I also need to be able to tell him when I feel alone and discouraged, and I believe he wants that kind of honesty from me.  I have found that God does not want a surface relationship with me.  He’s not just looking for praise and adulation.  He also wants me to bring him my doubts, fears, frustrations, anger, shame, depression and sadness.  When tears are my food day and night, he wants me to set a place for him at my melancholy table.  

Life is complicated and deep sometimes, and so are we.  It’s good to know that we have a Savior who has experienced all of the ups and downs we face, and is always willing to dive into the depths with us whenever we need him.  

“Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me.  By day the Lord directs his love, at night his song is within me— a prayer to the God of my life.” (Psalm 42:7-8)